Tim or Simon’s Thought of the Week: Words
Words are funny. Literally.
Ham is funnier than pork, swine is funnier than pig, moist is funnier than wet, clammy is funnier than moist, and gyrating is funnier than dancing. Necking is definitely funnier than kissing – ask your partner if they want to neck for an hour or two, and it’s a done deal. Stiffy is funnier than erection, and while poo is funny, you should mix it up a bit by announcing that you’re off to lay some transatlantic cable.
I’m not entirely sure what makes a word funny, is it the joy of cracking out the velar plosive ‘k’ sounds in ‘shuttlecock’, or simply using an archaic word that can have a different meaning attributed to it, like ‘twattling’? Either way, it can probably make conversations better. So what I am urging you to do is employ some more creative language in your day to day life.
Use ‘flannel’ as much as possible, employ ‘flaccid’ whenever the mood takes you, make the most of ‘conk’ in every situation. Tim likes the word ‘wobble’, as well he should, join him in using it! Speaking of which, ‘breast’ is funny. Say it out loud. Breast.
Be a bit more inventive with your words. It won’t mean that you’ll be instantly funny, and probably only you will appreciate it, and your friends won’t talk to you anymore, but if it makes you laugh just an inkling, it’ll be almost worth it.
Oh, and answer the phone by saying ‘ahoyhoy’, you’ll feel liberated!