Brain Spill

Brain Spill is a podcast that cracks the funnies directly into your brains, via a funnel operated by Tim and Simon

Difficult to listen to in public without tittering like an infant laughing at poo. Download it today, it's what all the cool kids are doing.

"Not as shit as I expected" - Richard Herring, 2011

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4.05 Five Minutes of Fun

After weeks of procrastination, Tim and Simon finally find another five minutes in their busy, busy schedule to talk about procrastination and propose a brave new world of advertising.

4.04 Five Minutes of Fun 4

Tim and Simon’s minutes are consumed by the ever-present, ever-irksome, ever-british pastime: queueing.

4.03 Five Minutes of Fun 3

Tim and Simon recount a magical encounter during the Burgundy Beer Club’s inaugural meeting. Rabbits from hats? Harry Potter? Or just a man called Ben? Find out with Timito and Simonito…

4.02 Five Minutes of Fun 2

Tim and Simon attempt to set rules for this latest incarnation of Brain Spill, but inevitably deviate… This week turning their attention to new words, fashion and stag weekends.

4.01 Five Minutes of Fun 1

Tim and Simon begin 2015 with a bitesized and meaty chunk of podcast. You’ll hear what they’ve been doing, something about a digger, and an announcement…

3.10 The Holy Trinity part 3

In the final part of Tim and Simon’s over-recording, they talk Johnny Five and his impracticalities, confusing the public in supermarkets and the wooing of JLaw!

3.09 The Holy Trinity part 2

Are condolence cards acceptable for a cherished one’s birthday? Just one of life’s many important questions Tim and Simon touch upon, along with the definition of dogging, odd voices, and Tim’s stalking of Simon in normal day-to-day life.

3.08 The Holy Trinity part 1

Got, got, got, got, got, NEED! Tim and Simon in a relaxed state of mind cover the football sticker reemergence, buffet/drink driving etiquette and judgemental teenagers. Inevitably, this only leads to Tim being forced to tell his mum.

3.07 “Get On The Beak”

This week, Tim and Simon discuss teaching toddlers to use phone, Benidorm, and Barry Baggins – local radio talkshow guest. All this while keeping Susie Dent happy in Tim’s dictionary dungeon!

3.06 “Hum and It’ll Help”

Tim and Simon scrape their collective barrel resorting to an occasional mention of football! Simon shares his love of strange album covers and Tim tries to dispel rumours that he drop-kicks cats. There’s also an insight into penguin accents…

3.05 “Leave Me Your Teeth”

Tim and Simon talk about Barry Gibb’s chocolate Easter Heggs, getting told off by dentists and fully grown child-adults roaming the streets. Plenty good fun with your favourite future political candidates!

3.04 “Bye Rob”

Hitting record and following the meanderings of their minds, Tim and Simon delve into the world of supercool haircuts, drinking milk and/or olive oil, and cause you to be wary of The Five O’Clock Shadow…

3.03 “Preserved In Syrup”

Tim and Simon’s adventures into their own minds sees them stumble into Flimbo’s Quest, posh birds and considering the pros and cons of chicken in a can. Just an ordinary day at the office.

3.02 “The Skies Are Dirty”

Tim and Simon’s writing warm up makes their minds wander, brushing up against the subject of pollution, the sermon on the mount and nursery rhymes by Morrissey. Listen now, you idiot… the bants.

3.01 “Navigate By Screaming”

Tim and Simon have not died in tragic circumstances, they have merely had to waste their time on other endeavours. However, as a warm-up for writing, they’re hitting the record button for your pleasure. In this podcast, you can hear some of the things they’ve been up to. Though at times you may wish you hadn’t asked…

2.012 “10 Jun 13 – Defecation for the Nation”

Dis be the most nondescript description you have ever read. This episode of Brain Spill covers a whole range of topics from dead cats to parents. There’s other things in there as well, but this description was written a couple of days after the radio show went out so I can’t remember much else. I think eggs may be mentioned. There’s only one way to find out…

2.011 “03 Jun 13 – I’ll Have It Inbetweeny Please”

Tim and Simon return to your ears with a less structured but still fun episode of Brain Spill. This week they discuss Simon’s beef with beef, Tim’s amazing knack for ‘original’ ideas and teach you exactly how to extract the luck from a four leaf clover. It’s the kind of information that you can’t go on living without. Also, there’s a sketch with a dragon in it.

2.010 “18 Feb 13 – I’ll Eat Some Cheese”

Just what is spatchcock chicken? Who knows? I’ll tell you who, Tim Barnes, in the depths of his dreams. Who doesn’t know? I’ll tell you who, Simon Berry, in the depths of reality. Listen in awe as Tim magically merges fantasy with reality as his quest to find the ultimate way to cook chicken.

2.009 “11 Feb 13 – Leave a Deposit”

The pope is retiring and Tim and Simon consider the recruitment process for the job, somehow this involves looking good with a football on your head. In addition to this, they dispel some myths about dyslexia and encourage safe driving with the use of semi-adhesive globs.

2.008 “04 Feb 13 – A Destiny’s Child Launcher”

Beyonce’s legs, 50 Shades of Grey and Beyonce’s legs are just some of the many topics covered by Tim and Simon. As well as this, they discuss Richard III, drag racing, have an Ant and Dec themed Battle Quiz and then talk some more about Beyonce’s legs. Also, Beyonce’s legs.

2.007 “28 Jan 13 – Hammers”

In these times of austerity it seems that even fictional characters may be struggling to find work. Tim and Simon explore the job hunting plight of Tony the Tiger and even offer up some suggestions as to what he could do with the rest of his career. On top of this they explore the world of panic buying and homebrewing.

2.006 “14 Jan 13 – Supple Puppies”

People who name household appliances are clearly lacking imagination, this is where Tim and Simon step in. They shall no longer be known as washing machines, you may no longer refer to a blender as a blender and if you ever call a cooker a cooker again, Tim and Simon will be at your doorstep faster than a pensioner chasing prunes.

2.005 “07 Jan 13 – And Then One Day He Farted”

Barnes and Berry find themselves going all political in this week’s edition of the long running series known to some as Brain Spill. The coalition is halfway through their tenancy at Number 10 and Nick Clegg is taking to the radio waves, this is enough to fuel a stern and vigorous conversation about things that really matter; like weirdos at bus stops and walrus impressions.

2.004 “24 Dec 12 – Santa Claus is Under Your Bed”

Merry Christmas, you! In this very festive edition of Brain Spill, Tim and Simon discuss all things Christmassy; from how Santa gets in to your house, to tracking him whilst he navigates the world delivering presents to girls and boys and more boys. This podcast may contain bells.

2.003 “17 Dec 12 – The End of the World is Now”

So the end of the world is nigh, but how will it all end? Will an ancient lava lizard awaken? Will the French kill us all with an earthquake maker? Or will an invisible planet collide with us, sending us flying into to sun? There’s simply only one way to find out. Contact NASA. For all other apocalypse information you can consult Tim and Simon’s end of the world special of Brain Spill. Originally broadcast on Calon FM.

2.002 “10 Dec 12 – My Unborn Son is a Cauliflower”

Does Beyonce dance like a zebra or does a zebra dance like a Beyonce? Either way they both dance like a horse. This week, Tim and Simon go to great lengths to teach you about unborn babies, the demise of the X Factor and, of course, horses. Recorded live on Calon FM.

2.001 “03 Dec 12 – Spread It About a Bit”

The return of Brain Spill is nigh. Brain Spill 2.0 contains new features such as Battle Quiz, News Gist and Dear Deidre and Beardre. But fear not, the podcast still contains the merry mirth of your favourite Salopians as they discuss Christmas presents, tattoos and why Aldi need to rethink their Christmas marketing campaign. Recorded live on Calon FM.

1.53 “The Big Five Three”

It’s here, the big one, it’s the big five three. What have Tim and Simon been building up to? Have they been building up to anything? Either way, they still express their thoughts in a cheery manner for you including, compass points, whether ducks should have a monopoly on tightness, and puppetry.

1.52 “Old Jimmy Riddle”

Can’t afford acoustic treatment for your studio? No problem, apparently Tim’s morbidly obese body can double up as a portable sound booth. As well as catering to all your acoustic needs, Brain Spill introduces you to a brand new superhero in the form of Ghost Driver; just don’t expect him to get very far. Oh, and the Drop-in Clinic helps a man convince his wife he’s a genius.

1.51 “Ain’t That The Truth Darlin'”

Barnes and Berry are on hand to provide some glorious advice on gift buying, karaoke and a masturbating husband, and that’s just the Drop-in Clinic. As for the rest of the show, ghosts’ attire, the inefficiency of towels and parting with your moobs are all on the agenda. If that wasn’t enough, GML announce their latest product; LoveDrill finally comes to Brain Spill.

1.50 “Toughbones McGraw”

What makes you angry? Genocide? Racism? What about when your white sauce doesn’t thicken? Well that’s just what happens to Tim, usually calm and collected except when food is involved. Whilst Tim takes a moment to calm, Simon encourages signing up for an organ donor card and explains the delights of running in your sleep. The ever present Drop In Clinic also flings its doors wide open, and Tim and Simon dispense much needed advice.

1.49 “Hic Nah”

Struggling to think of a random animal? Then what you need is Tim and Simon’s Random Animal Generator, suppliers of random animals since 2012. On top of this, the handsome Salopians teach you how to sneeze properly and discuss the potential of meat skin, whilst also dispensing advice to patients in the Drop In Clinic.

1.48 “Ben Brown and his Wonky Bones”

Alright mate, how are you doing? What? You want to hear a podcast where they ponder splicing animals together, discuss men with breasts and have imaginary fights with themselves? Then, you’ve come to the right place mate! These fellas will quench your thirst for funnies and offer some gosh darned good advice whilst they’re at it. Cheers mate.

1.47 “Sprecisely”

The monsters of mirth and musings this week consider which element of British slang should be exported, who the most sarcastic person on earth is, and the most appropriate way to tell a loved one that you are in love with them. More direct advice is served as more ailing listeners seek help in the ever-present and much loved Drop In Clinic

1.46 “Do The Hula Hula”

It’s a new year but apparently there are still the same old problems, fear not though, Dr Tim and Professor Simon are on hand in their Drop In Clinic, available all year round for those in need. As well as the clinic there is the usual barrage of Barnes and Berry banter (without the alliteration), involving extra mild fajitas, sweary children and a man eating his own head as standard.

1.45 “Bingle Jells” – A Christmas Special

The usual Brain Spill rules are tossed to one side as Tim and Simon take some of your festive quandaries and try to answer as many as they can before they break up for Christmas. They’ll be back in January for more Brain Spill fun, but if you can’t wait until then, visit for a special gift on Christmas day. Merry Christmas!

1.44 “Mullets and Tattoos”

An extended Drop In Clinic is in order this week as Tim and Simon try to help as many of you as possible before the festive season. But fear not, they’re still on hand to bring out the big guns of conversation; beer, bums and Lionel Blair leading the way.

1.43 “Badoing!”

Holy Moly! Only 10 more to go until The Big 53! In the 43rd episode of Brain Spill, Tim and Simon examine the rules of monopoly, contemplate turning themselves into half bodybuilders, literally, and also discuss Mr God’s challenge. They also have an important question for you at the end.

1.42 “Generic Face”

Find out what the crack is in this week’s show, as Tim explains the pros and cons of possessing one of the most generic faces known to a man. Simon reclines on a metaphorical chaise longue as he finally discovers why kids are so pesky, and they also dispense advice on how you can look more photogenic.

1.41 “You Party Popping Prick”

Tim decides to give ghosts just one more chance to prove that they exist, or is he just using a ghost hunt as an excuse to have a drink? Simon meanwhile thinks he can solve the problem of slow walkers that plagues our towns and supermarkets, and between them both they offer some very serious advice regarding an itchy bum.

1.40 “Take ‘Em Off”

Be prepared to have your mind controlled in this latest episode of Brain Spill, discover how the war between postmen and dogs first began and more importantly, who declared war on whom. Simon questions the suitability of eyebrows, Tim wonders whether Bambi is actually that sad and they both help a man with bacon flavoured ear wax.

1.39 “The World’s Biggest Invisible Horse”

Let’s stick an effigy of a man on top of a massive pile of wood and burn it to the ground, then cheer, holler and set off some explosives. After which we’ll sit down and talk about being ID’d for energy drinks, fancy dress parties and being put under general anaesthetic. Sound good to you?

1.38 “Your Vending Machine’s Mugged Me Right Off”

Shoes have lined the sides of roads for as long as shoes and roads have existed, and Tim and Simon now explore this phenomenon and reveal the shocking truth. They can also guarantee to you an extra long life and an extra birthday party. You won’t find this sort of daring content anywhere on the internet, so get cracking.

1.37 “Play Doom on Your Dog”

Ever wondered where the USB socket is on your family pet? Well, Tim and Simon have the disturbing answer. They also talk dead otters, tepid turkeys and bum snorkels in this fun filled addition of the non-award winning podcast. On top of this there is a gift for you, a very special gift.

1.36 “Tim and Anne Frank’s Teenage Diaries”

Bloody Nora, it’s time for yet another Brain Spill. This time, Tim and Simon conspire against the Mince Pie Mafia, take on the task of breaking some honest news to really smelly people, and discuss whether there really is anything worse than being called fat by a fatty; short answer, yes.

1.35 “A Beacon For Oddballs”

Tony Robinson’s agent can expect a phone call anytime soon because he and his Time Team are needed at the Berry household for an archaeological dig. While they await Tony’s response, Tim and Simon dish out some love advice, catch a flipping pervert and throw a ball into orbit.

1.34 “A Bouquet of Sausages”

Why do we bother with underwear? What would you attach to your head to improve it? How is Britain best represented in foreign countries? All questions that the world needs answering, and who better to supply the answers than Tim and Simon? That’s right, Stephen Fry would be pretty good but you’ll have to put up with these two for now, ok?

1.33 “I Like It In Here I Do”

Recovering from their recent podcasting marathon, Tim and Simon do their best to drag Brain Spill into its 33rd edition. Well on their way to the big 53, they’ll teach you how to have fun in a supermarket, uncover the contents of Simon’s freezer and reach for the stars as they teach a dog to fly in the drop in clinic.

1.32 “What’s Your Favourite Hand Dryer?”

If you’re sitting comfortably let Tim and Simon begin, firstly taking you on a magical journey exploring the inner workings of Simon’s brain; where his opinion of fashion makes an appearance. Along the way, you’ll hear Tim speak of how he, yet again, made a massive mistake involving a banana. You’ll also be making a mandatory stop at the drop in clinic, but keep your wits about you as some of Tim and Simon’s advice is not all that sound. Strap yourself in, and hold on to your pants. This is going to get messy.

1.31 “Deirdre and Beardre”

The age old debate of belief in the paranormal is reignited after Tim brings some pretty rubbish evidence to the table, Simon wants to dispose of 37 dead bodies from his house and they offer some rubbish advice on how to smuggle a bucket full of plums out of the country. To top this audio feast off, discover why Tim and Simon shouting “mustard” at you is a sign that you should probably start running. This can only be Brain Spill episode 31.

1.30 “The Pervert Trap”

Watch as Tim and Simon try to put a stop to vicious rumours about their sexuality, Simon avoids buying drugs from a child and they find a way to keep Grandpa Joe’s flesh fresh for years to come. On top of this the Brain Spill studio gets over run with DIY Pokemon and babies with super hearing. Run for the hills, they can hear you!

1.29 “My Right Honourable Friend”

Hear the tale of John and Gabriel Tank-Engine and their son Thomas The, learn of the uniting of gravy and hip hop and hark at the rift which could bring an end to Tim and Simon’s Brain Spill forever. In addition to this, Tim tries to further his career in radio with a chisel and a donkey, enjoy.

1.28 “Nice Body, Shame About The Ears”

Want to know what Tim and Simon’s favourite fish is? Thought so! As well as water dwelling beasts, Tim gets himself some gold plated socks, and Simon decides to judge your sexiness by the beauty of your ears. So make yourself a cup of tea, pop your slippers on and settle down to Tim and Simon’s Brain Spill; everything else is just a podcast.

1.27 “Looking at the Bottom of a Biscuit Tin”

Trousers and pants are ruined as Tim swaps his member for a unicorn horn, Simon kills off one of the world’s much loved dogs, and the two mans teach us how best to deal with the curse of a gypsy. The soundtrack to this week’s Brain Spill is brought to you by Fizzy Drizzle and T-Bar; Shropshire’s most famous rappers, just so you know.

1.26 “Chonging On Some Moths”

Surrounded by a pound of Pennys, Tim and Simon bring you their latest Brain Spill offering. After much speculation and analysis they decide that disguising yourself as a truck won’t help you evade the space police, and that Tim shouldn’t be allowed to geocache. As well as this they tackle shark addiction and they kick a racist gremlin out of the Drop in Clinic. All in a day’s work.

1.25 “My Man Won’t Even Sweat”

You should always sleep with one eye open, for the Rag and Bone man is lurking. Not content with taking just your iron, he’ll help himself to your dad as well. In Brain Spill this time round Tim and Simon answer some of life’s great questions, such as why do some monks take a vow of silence? Is it right to call someone a chubby chaser? And just why does Tim feel compelled to ‘key’ someone’s nice new car? Want to know the answers? Then I suggest you download this NOW!

1.24 “Buffest Lungs In The Land”

Coming at you straight from the Barnes Cave, Tim and Simon discuss the many problems and pitfalls involved with being dyslecksic. Tim speculates as to whether he is cursed and Simon accuses the late great Louis Armstrong of being deranged. But, whether you say potato or potato please don’t feel the need to call anything off, just sit back and let Barnes and Berry sooth your brain with their dulcet tones.

1.23 “Ferret Milk and Cat Eggs”

The people of Shropshire have to live with a number of stereotypes which Tim and Simon try to dismiss in their usual clumsy manner. Simon confides in the listeners about his long running battle with addiction and Tim expresses hatred towards ‘baby on board’ signs. Plus, there is some really bad advice given with regards to disabled dogs in the Drop in Clinic. So what are you waiting for? Delve into the gooey brains of Tim and Simon.

1.22 “Mantor, Assemble!”

Tim and Simon hatch a plan to get on BBC’s The One Show by Christmas, and they need your help! But in the mean time, Shropshire’s finest men debate the rationale behind using Harper Seven as a name, and Tim dusts off his out of tune ukulele as he attempts to pull a fictional sexy lady. To top this off like an adeptly placed cherry, they dish out prehistoric love advice in this week’s Drop In Clinic, where the James Earl Jones helmet makes a brief appearance.

1.21 “Nobody likes a Cocoon of Spit and Poo”

If you have just got back from a summer holiday or if you’re not going on one, fear not, as Tim and Simon make you realise that being on holiday isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. As well as this, Simon gives you tips on how to enjoy tennis, Tim goes for a skindip with some sexable ladies and you’ll finally discover just what happens if you eat an After Eight before eight! On top of all this the two proud Salopians also dish out some quality advice in the Drop In Clinic. Patchachachachooey!

1.20 “You Don’t Have To Be Mad To Work Here, But It Helps”

Tim contemplates two weeks without either Twitter or clothing and Simon finally uncovers exactly what Jehovah’s Witnesses have witnessed, and it’s not pretty. Tim and Simon’s Drop in Clinic opens its doors for the first time, offering help and advice to those who need it most (not to be taken literally or you could end up dead). Also, find out which wise man said “let he who casts the first stone laugh longest”.

1.19 “The Assistant Is Coming For You”

BREAKING NEWS: Gang related crimes involving ghetto pandas are on the rise. The Crystal Maze gets a Jigsaw make-over. Rumours of a Tim and Simon affair continue and Barnes turns crazy after laughing at his own reflection. All this plus Tim and Simon’s Drop-in Clinic prepares to open its doors, offering help and advice to anyone that needs it!

1.18 “Court-Martialled for Being 12”

Discover the many pitfalls of operating a petrol station on a Mountain Dew overdose, cruelty to children, and some welcome additions to the world of onomatopoeia. While you try to guess what was really said before the start, let Tim express his concern over what the low rumbling near his flat is, and find out the extent of Simon’s drug knowledge.

1.17 “He Smashed Her Frog In”

This time around Tim and Simon discuss what it would feel like to have an intrusion of cockroaches, Tim decides he is Hugh Laurie and diagnoses his own mysterious illness and you find out why Keanu Reeves’ acting is so wooden. All this plus why you should never trust Simon to be your lawyer! This podcast 42% guarantees to make you more attractive to the opposite sex, the same sex, and bumblebees.

1.16 “You Know What It Does To Your Bones!”

Surely Tim and Simon can’t do a running commentary for the royal wedding before the big day? No. They can’t. But Tim uncovers his dark side with the ‘James Earl Jones Helmet’ and Simon speaks of the horrors of drinking Red Bull. You really shouldn’t be. All will become clear once you delve into the 16th episode.

1.15 “And Then I Ate Some Ants”

Hello you! How nice of you to read this. Now, how about you click on the download button and acquire this gem of a podcast. Where else will you find out whether or not it’s wrong to fancy Smurfette? Why a dead finger does not make a good moustache? Or why the hell horses are called Gee-Gees? Well thanks to Tim and Simon’s Brain Spill you can find out all of this and more!

1.14 “Forget It Ken, It’s Sesame Street”

If you’re really rubbish at rock paper scissors then you need to listen as Tim and Simon reveal the secrets of becoming an RPS champion, they also explore the seedy world of fishing and Tim gets a crook in his neck via the evil hands of Uri Geller. All delivered with the sweet sound of birds chirping in the background; they were for dinner.

1.13 “I Want a Megazord”

Contemplating life from a humanoid robot, Tim and Simon discuss the difficulty of being six inches tall, why the cast of Glee should watch out for Simon’s crossbow, and why Tim has a very dirty finger. Also discover how a twitter addiction can cause you to put hashtags where they shouldn’t belong #rubbishpodcastdescription. So force your ears to listen to Tim and Simon’s Brain Spill. Cheers mon.

1.12 “Taller Than The Average Nun”

In episode 12 of Brain Spill poetry is on the cards, Tim and Simon try to rhyme and don’t find it very hard. They talk about the plight of nuns and arguing with machines, putting fruit down your pants and poo strung from trees. So if you’re feeling sad, or full of aches and niggles, then listen to this podcast, it’s good for poos and giggles.

1.11 “Punched In The Face By a Ghost”

Find out how to perform Mario Kart style attacks in the realm of reality, why Colin Firth would look much better as a blue alien, and the best way to remove your masculinity in a male dominated pub. Please do hark at what a real man consists of in the gospel according to Barnes, why Simon needs the Ghostbusters, and the great gammon debate possibly continues.

1.10 “Grab My Head”

In the tenth outing of their short running podcast, they discuss why a man in Shrewsbury should be very protective of his head, how if you’re rude to Tim on the roads you may find yourself in his attic; and discover why Simon shouldn’t be allowed near sharp items. Oh, and Tim makes bold claims about the world’s love of gammon.