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Did you know that Tim and Simon can both read and write, despite the public school system?

Goodnight, Sweet Tart

It’s been great to see lots of new comedy with the BBC’s Sitcom Season, and with it saw the return of Captain Gary Sparrow in Goodnight Sweetheart. What we think about it aside, it’s once again brought up the long-going issue that Simon has with the unambitious time traveller. Captain Gary Sparrow bears a resemblance to Tim and Simon’s latter; The Chinful Wonder. (Granted, not in this photo, made even more confusing by Tim’s shocking Photoshop skills…) But why? What? Who? How? Haw? Ho? Hmm. It can’t possibly be that the human race only has a set number of pointy bits and flat bits that it employs to create faces, resulting in some looking similar. It must be because Captain … Continue reading »

Where have we been? Where have you been?!

Well, we’ve both being earning our stripes in local radio over the last few years and having babies… not together, we hasten to add. But we have been busy getting on with life. Wasn’t life great when you could just record a podcast all afternoon? Look at our little faces! We were so happy with ourselves! You should see what we look like now… What about the comedy writing? We are very much still writing comedy and have a few fingers in a few pies, but you know how these things work… It’s like flying with your mouth open! For 99% of the time you get nothing and then you eat sparrow. As for podcasts, we are toying with the … Continue reading »

9 things.

Brain

What’s the best way to fill space on your website? Gifs! They don’t even have to be about anything, just fill a page with rubbish and make up a topic at the end. It’s that simple! We made our own, and it turns out that it’s about reaction gifs themselves…   1 – Remember that thing someone did?! This is what someone else’s face did! 2 – Indecipherable, but look, it’s a picture that moves! This magic must be mashed into the eyes of everyone I know! 3 – Obligatory cat one. 4 – And a statement asking a question and answering it with “this.”? This. 5 – One to make up the numbers. 6 – Over exaggerated rage at … Continue reading »

Five Minutes of Fun

Happy 2015 everybody! We’re back podcasting again, Brain Spill returning in a form we’re calling Five Minutes of Fun. Will it be fun? That’s debatable. Will it be five minutes? Yes. We’re timing it. Seeing as it’s the fourth incarnation of Brain Spill, let’s call it Brain Spill 4.0. Hoping to upload a new episode every week as we warm our minds up in preparation for some good ol’ fashioned comedy writing. Hoorah. Speaking of which, in the first episode we make an announcement about comedy and podcasts. We won’t bore you with the mouth-watering details, just go and download the latest podcast and find out for yourself. Peace out, Mother Flippers.

The Holy Trinity

Having realised that we hadn’t set aside quite enough time for podcasting over the last month, we spent an afternoon recording! So please enjoy a triple-whammy of Brain Spill podcasts only referred to as The Holy Trinity. More to come from us very soon indeed!

Brain Spill 3.0

Hello, you cheeky little bastard. You will have noticed a new podcast was released last week. It’s the first in a brand new series of Brain Spill podcasts dubbed Brain Spill 3.0. As you may or may not know, we spend a lot of our time working, parenting or writing these days and have very little time or space left over to make highly produced and tightly edited podcasts. Having said that, we have always loved podcasting and our loins ache to release audio to you on a regular basis. So we have decided to simplify our podcasting. Much like the iPhone 5c, Brain Spill 3.0 is a cheaper little brother. It may not have all the bells and whistles of … Continue reading »

The Fall of the Berlin Wall

We start this blog with a bit of bad news. Unfortunately History Retweeted comes to an end tonight. We know, it hurts, it hurts right in the gut. Which, if you’re not that bothered about History Retweeted could be gall stones, or ulcers or something… go and see your GP. The good news is that there’s still a whole new episode of brain scintillating comedy goodness, as we head way back to the ancient 1980s, to the fall of the Berlin Wall – reimagined through a vocalised social media timeline. It’s quite fitting really, on the 25th anniversary of Tim Berners-Lee’s invention of the internet… We know what you’re thinking, and yes, David Hasselhoff does make several appearances in The … Continue reading »

The Great Pyramid

History Retweeted episode 3 is out this week and this time we take social media further back than it’s ever been, as we retweet ancient Egypt. Listen in awe as Pharaoh Khufu gathers resources and people as he embarks on one of the greatest building projects of all time. So, we hope you like sand in your pants, especially if you’re called Amy… this has nothing to do with this week’s episode. We’re just planning a guerrilla-sand-in-your-pants-attack on unsuspecting Amys. Let’s call it CHAFING AMY! Anyway, back to History Retweeted, make sure you listen out for a better way to dispose of your pets, a tense game of tug-a-hoop and a brand new medical drama that some are calling the … Continue reading »

The Premiere of Romeo and Juliet

How quick a week seems to have gone, tonight sees (with your ears) the second episode of History Retweeted and this time we’re pretending social media existed in the late 16th Century. The Premiere of Romeo and Juliet focuses on the first ever performance of the Bard’s most famous play, with updates from the stars of the play, the scientists of the day and of course the great man himself. Baked Swan is on the menu as the StewTube cookery show hits a brand new low, featuring an excellent performance by the extremely talented Jelly Mackintosh, as the extremely untalented 16th century chef, Gwen. So listen in awe as we hunt witches, hang criminals and dispose of your poo. Yes … Continue reading »

The Moon Landing

So, tonight sees the start of History Retweeted, with The Moon Landing. This one was a right old hoot to write, we loved 1969 as a year to poke fun out of. Whether it was the pop stars, the TV or even a caterpillar with an eating disorder. For each episode we had to pick a historic event that people already have a base knowledge of. The show is only 15 minutes long so we don’t really have time to give a full on history lesson. That being said, you’ll hopefully pick up the odd bit of information. Can you name the third astronaut on board Apollo 11? Do you know what day of the week did they lifted off? … Continue reading »

BBC Radio Four

Hi Friends, We promised you an announcement, and an announcement we shall now deliver: After many pasty-fuelled writing sessions in a kitchen in Shropshire, Tim Barnes and Simon Berry are pleased to tell you that we have a 4 part comedy series starting on BBC Radio Four, 11pm on Wednesday 19th February. It’s called History Retweeted. History Retweeted is a retelling of world-changing events with a modern twist, transporting you to timelines gone by, feeding hashtags, trolls and trending topics into moments from history. We wrote, directed and even provided some voices for the programme, alongside a very talented cast of voice actors: Lucy Beaumont Anjella Mackintosh Peter Temple Wayne Forester Annabelle Llewellyn Produced by Sally “Make It Less Smutty” … Continue reading »

Don’t Break Our Legs

Ok, we know, we’ve not exactly been bombarding you with Tim and Simon stuff recently. We only apologise and hope you don’t attempt to break our legs. But, we do promise exciting stuff to come very soon… In the meantime, please enjoy a picture of Simon testing a hand dryer the only way he knows how, and Tim pretending to recharge like that little robot. No, not Tom Cruise – Wall-E. More from us shortly.

What We’ve Been Doing

Good evening/afternoon/morrow to you, You may have been wondering why we, Tim and Simon, have been fairly quiet on the podcasting front for a few months now and we thought it was about time we explained ourselves. Mostly the cause of this has been babies and work, leading to a distinct lack of time for recording podcasts. However, those are the boring reasons, this is the much more exciting reason… We have been commissioned to write a four part comedy series for BBC Radio Four due for broadcast in January 2014. That’s about as much as we’re going to give away about it for now, but needless to say, like a dog staring at traffic, we are very excited about … Continue reading »

Podcasting Update!

Hello you, Welcome to our too infrequently used blog page, where this time around we have some news regarding our podcasting output. Mostly due to newfound parenthood on Tim’s part, we have decided to reduce the amount of Mentor! podcasts we release. We should clarify that we are not stopping the podcast, we’re simply releasing them ad hoc, mostly in the form of How To’s similar to the one Simon released last week, whilst releasing a full fat Mentor! as and when we can. All other Tim and Simon output will remain the same with Brain Spill returning in the week commencing 22nd April 2013. That means we will be live on Calon FM from 6pm that evening. Having said … Continue reading »

Something To Keep You Going

Recently, you may have noticed that there hasn’t been much coming out of Tim and Simon HQ. Well spotted! Tim’s been on a quest to discover himself by creating a baby and depriving himself of sleep (he’s become a dad). You needn’t fret though, we have some little morsels of audio goodness for you in the meantime. As your Mentor!, we have an obligation to provide quality guidance in every area of life. So in Tim’s absence, Simon is speaking to you through supplementary Mentor! podcasts in a mini series of “How To’s”; helping you achieve a different goal each time. So enjoy! The first one is How To: Perfect the Art of Kissing. If you’re not already, subscribe to … Continue reading »

Am I a DJ?

Being one half of Tim and Simon often results in my friends and family introducing me to new people in a certain way. Friend: Tim, this is Paul, He’s a Chicken Sexer Me: Hey Paul nice to meet you, I’m Tim. Friend: Tim’s a DJ. Paul: Really?! Tim: Well I’m not really sure Paul. Am I a DJ? A Disk Jockey is “A person who plays recorded music for an audience” – Wikipedia (2012). (Tim really does cite his references in conversation – Simon) Well, we do play recorded music on the radio, but I’m not sure I’m comfortable with being labelled as a DJ. A DJ to me is someone whose role is specifically about the music. Whether it’s … Continue reading »

A Challenge!

As you are probably aware Tim and Simon’s Brain Spill is back with a vengeance. This time we perform Brain Spill live on Calon FM every Monday from 6pm – 8pm and subsequently release the highlights as a podcast on Tuesday. Seeing as Brain Spill has undergone somewhat of a makeover, or a Doctor Who style regeneration if you will, we were thinking it would be nice to have a new theme tune or two. This is where you come in. If you have any degree of musical ability (or none at all!) we would love you to do a cover version of our theme tune, found here: boo.fm/b1094078 (right click the play button and ‘save link as’!) Let your creative juices … Continue reading »

Podcast News

Tim and Simon’s podcasting output is changing. We would like to take a few moments to explain a couple of changes we are making to our podcast schedule. As from now, Mentor! will be released on a bi-weekly basis (keep sending us your goals, dreams and aspirations!) and there will also be some special self-help tapes to keep an eye out for… On top of this we are very pleased to announce the return of Tim and Simon’s Brain Spill. You may remember that we left it on an indefinite hiatus earlier this year. Well remembered! This time round, we’ll be bringing you highlights of our excellent radio show blended with a fine array of sketches and of course, words … Continue reading »

Regarding Mentor!

Each week on Tim and Simon: Mentor! we set a different theme, we then make an episode based around said theme, in which we help you achieve goals relating to that theme. We are now 14 episodes deep and have come to the realisation that by restricting you to a theme each week, we are restricting the amount of “help” we can offer. So from now on Tim and Simon: Mentor! is a free for all! Whatever goal or aspiration you have, big or small and regardless of its nature, we can and will help you. Whether you have a job related goal, a sex related target or a crime related aspiration, or whatever, get in contact today and Tim … Continue reading »

A New Podcast!

Ladies and gentlemen, you will be glad to hear that Tim and Simon: Life Coach has been recorded! And it is good! However, (in your best Chris Tarrant voice) we don’t want to give you that. What we do want to give you is bigger, brighter and if it be possible, better. So, we bestoweth upon ye, we drop onto your iPod, we present to you with cheerful hearts: Tim and Simon: Mentor! Consider us a guiding light for all your ambitions, problems, and objectives. These weekly episodes will each centre around one specific theme, the first one being ‘Careers’. Clearly, all advice given by us is purely for comedic value, so should you take anything we say literally, there … Continue reading »

An Announcement

Thursday 1st March 2012 saw the release of “The Big Five Three”, the episode of Brain Spill that had been hyped up for, quite literally, weeks. Not wishing to conform, we wanted to commemorate a lesser appreciated number such as 53, instead of the usual dirty round numbers like 50, 100, and the filthiest, 1000. We used the episode to make quite a big announcement. “The Big Five Three” is to be our last Brain Spill for the foreseeable. That’s right; we are putting to bed the mighty format that has served us so well over the last 18 months, whilst we explore pastures new. But fear not old chap/chapette. We are releasing a brand new and exciting podcast that … Continue reading »

Tim or Simon’s Thought of the Week: Words

Words are funny. Literally. Ham is funnier than pork, swine is funnier than pig, moist is funnier than wet, clammy is funnier than moist, and gyrating is funnier than dancing. Necking is definitely funnier than kissing – ask your partner if they want to neck for an hour or two, and it’s a done deal. Stiffy is funnier than erection, and while poo is funny, you should mix it up a bit by announcing that you’re off to lay some transatlantic cable. I’m not entirely sure what makes a word funny, is it the joy of cracking out the velar plosive ‘k’ sounds in ‘shuttlecock’, or simply using an archaic word that can have a different meaning attributed to it, … Continue reading »

Tim or Simon’s Thought of the Week: Understanding Men

I’ve just been having a look through one of my wife’s magazines, mostly because it had a picture of the lovely Christina Hendricks on the front, but partially because the front cover intrigued me. One of the sub-headlines for this lady-mag is, “GET IN HIS HEAD… and his bed”. I flicked through and the magazine seemed to be full of promises to help women understand ‘what’s really going on’ in a man’s head, promising to reveal truths and uncover mysteries to make you a better women; how to look sexier, be better at sex and how to stop your man from being a filthy cheating scoundrel. And, from what I have seen it’s not just this magazine, others also teach … Continue reading »

Vague Plans for 2012

With all this talk of the Olympics and the end of the world it’s safe to say that 2012 is set to be a unforgettable year, unless the world does end of course, in which case no one will remember anything as we will all be dead. Rapture or not, we have plenty planned for 2012! So we thought we would take this opportunity to write the vaguest blog possible outlining our hopes and dreams for the rest of the year. If only to keep you safe in the knowledge that we will be around your ears for at least another 12 months. What we can tell you is that we have something big planned for the Big 5-3! That … Continue reading »

Merry Christmas, Have a Present.

It’s Christmas, so we can’t possibly leave you to wallow about on Christmas Day with nothing but the Brain Spill Christmas Special to listen to, so here they are: episodes 1-9 of Tim and Simon’s Brain Spill! Episodes 1-5 Episodes 6-9 These are the episodes that aren’t available to download through iTunes following a series of events which really aren’t interesting enough to go into the details of. But unless you have been subscribing since last year, you probably won’t have heard them. This is more for completists than for those who want entertaining really, as the first nine episodes are ones that send shudders through our spines at the mere thought of them. Listening back to them, one thing … Continue reading »

Barack Obama’s Llama Alarm

Hello you, thanks for reading another Tim and Simon blog, don’t worry, not too much to read this time – we just wanted to share something with you. Over the last few weeks and months, we’ve had multiple people saying how much they would like to have a Barack Obama Llama Alarm to wake them up in the morning. Well, thanks to the magic of a microphone and the internet we are pleased to say that we have delivered: Please do download the mp3 by right clicking this link and hittting ‘save as’. You can then transfer the clip to your phone and be woken up by us every single day! We like the thought of waking people up across … Continue reading »

Podcast DVD Extras: Episode 36

With all the chaos surrounding our recent Podathon we have been unable to bring you a DVD extras style blog for a while. Until now. This is the blog where we give you a sneaky insight into the latest episode of Brain Spill and often give you a deleted scene from that podcast. Why? Because we have a secretly fancy you and want to let you know by giving you free things. Last Thursday saw the release of Brain Spill episode 36 “Tim and Anne Frank’s Teenage Diaries”; quite possible our favourite title for an episode yet. The first thing you should know is that some episodes are weirder than others, purely because some days we are weirder than others. … Continue reading »

Tim and Simon’s Podathon – What a Day!

Last night at 10pm saw the release of the final episode of the Podathon, a 24 hour marathon of podcasting in which we released a podcast on the hour every hour all in the aid of the Alzheimer’s Society. We were both absolutely exhausted and genuinely have no idea how it went, all we know is that we did what we said we would and released 25 podcasts over a 24 hour period and tried to make them as funny as we could. They get particularly funny around the late afternoon mark when we really start to struggle with the tiredness. “I’ve got a bin on my head” – Tim Barnes (5pm) “I like peppers in my face” – Simon … Continue reading »

Tim and Simon’s Podathon

Hello and welcome, Whilst we’re still questioning our sanity, we thought we would take a few moments out of our busy day to explain to you what we are up to on Tuesday 27th September 2011. We, Tim and Simon, are conducting a 24 hour podcasting marathon from 10pm GMT Tuesday through to 10pm on Wednesday. Fear not, we won’t be just sticking one 24 hour long piece audio onto your hard drive, because it would sound awful, no one would listen and it would take ages to download. We’ve thought of a far more economic way of conducting a Podathon (genius name eh? Podcasting + marathon = podathon.) We will be releasing a new podcast at the top of … Continue reading »

Charity Quiz Night

In the early part of September we were asked whether we would like to host a quiz night to raise money for local charities in the Shropshire area, we of course said yes! We love an excuse to parade in front of people and if we can raise some money for a good cause whilst we do it then all the better. The event was organised by Shrewsbury Young Professionals Group and ILEX Shropshire and Mid Wales branch and took place at The Lord Hill Hotel in Shrewsbury in front of an audience of well over 100 people. Using our dulcet tones we worked our way through 6 rounds of questions and a raffle, raising around £850 which was split … Continue reading »

Podcast DVD Extras: Episode 30

Hello you, Thanks for clicking on blog or following our inevitable twitter link to find yourself here, at yet another DVD extras style blog. This is where we give you an insight into the podcast and often provide you with bonus material such as deleted scenes. Episode 30 – “The Pervert Trap” was recorded on 7th September 2011, the recording of the podcast itself was fairly uneventful and everything went ahead in the usual charismatic, delightfully funny, emotional rollercoaster kind of a way. Where episode 30 did differ from other episodes is the sheer amount of warm up conversations we had before we started recording the actual podcast. In total we did seven warmup conversations and even started an eighth, … Continue reading »

BBC Radio Shropshire Interview

Back in June we were asked by the lovely Jim Hawkins if we would like be interviewed on his mid-morning show on BBC Radio Shropshire. Being proud Salopians (Old English for ‘person from Shropshire’) we of course said yes. Please only click on play if you are of sound health as we did get a bit excited about the prospect of being on the BBC and were a bit manic, to say the least. Enjoy: Tim and Simon – BBC Radio Shropshire by Tim and Simon So in summary we were very over-excited, tried to steal Jim’s job and after the interview had finished we even tried to claim squatter’s rights until they gave us a job. Alas, it wasn’t … Continue reading »

Your Questions, Our Answers

So, we thought we would give you the opportunity to learn some new things about us and have been asking you for your questions over the last week or so. It’s fairly safe to say that you didn’t take us seriously and used the opportunity to ask some very silly questions indeed, we don’t mind though, they’re much more fun. @Charlotteeeee__: Why don’t monkeys rawr? That’s my question. Not sure on the meaning of rawr, but after a quick look on urban dictionary we discovered that rawr is ‘I love you’ in dinosaur. So unless a monkey felt the need to proclaim its undying love for a velociraptor, it would be fair to say they have no need to rawr, … Continue reading »

Podcast DVD Extras: Episode 27

Podcast DVD extras time again! How lucky are you? Here’s a quick insight into a couple of moments from Episode 27 of Brain Spill – ‘Looking at the Bottom of a biscuit Tin’. We have a set structure to Brain Spill that we try and stick to each week: an intro, three chats, the Drop In Clinic, three chats and finally an outro, all broken up with those lovely, lovely adverts. We deviated from this set structure this week by adding another section that you may have noticed: The Biscuit Tin Song. What you hear in the podcast was never meant to be heard and what you hear was completely unplanned. Simon thought there was something rattling as we were … Continue reading »

Podcast DVD Extras – Episode 26

Well, seeing as we have a brand new sexy website we thought we’d make excellent use of it and start using our blog page to its full potential. We sat down and had a chat over a cup of coffee. It was perilous and risky, not to mention difficult, as finding a cup of coffee big enough is quite a challenge. Ho ho ha. We eventually decided that occasionally we would release a blog of show notes. Think of these like DVD extras where we will give you an insight into the podcast that’s been released that week and perhaps let you in on a few secrets. This week saw the release of Episode 26, “Chonging on Some Moths”. Keen … Continue reading »

Website!

As you can probably see we have a brand new website, unless of course this is your first visit to www.timandsimon.co.uk in which case you probably think this is the way the website has always looked. But you are wrong. The sexy new website you find yourself perusing was designed by Martin Wright and all the illustrations were done by the hand of Dan Berry, so we would like to thank them for their hard work in getting the new website up and running and making it the beauty that it is! Aside from the new website we have a had a lovely few weeks, Brain Spill downloads have been steadily increasing and towards the end of July we had … Continue reading »

Summer Season

Hello you lot, As regular listeners to the podcast will already know, we recently announced something very special: we’re now a weekly podcast! It’s Tim and Simon’s Brain Spill Summer Season: Yes, we kicked off the Brain Spill Summer Season by announcing that you will have a podcast every single week throughout July, August and September. Sure, the quality might take a hit but that’s just the kind of commitment we have to display in answering what Brain Spill fans have been asking for. We should give a mention to Jason Slater, who interviewed us for his excellent tech blog. He asked us a bunch of good questions about Brain Spill and podcasting in general. He makes us sound like … Continue reading »

Thanks!

Well well well, what a busy few weeks we have been enjoying. We’ve given two interviews, crept into the iTunes charts, and a Sony award winning podcaster likes our podcast! We are just about as giddy as a school girl wearing Justin Bieber’s face. First off, the lovely Jason Forrest interviewed us for The Milk Bar podcast, which you can hear here, we were first guests on the show, which was a good ol’ barrel of fun. We talked, and laughed; business as usual. We revealed a little too much about our legs and Tim made a move for one of the co-hosts (don’t tell his wife). So thanks to Jason, Rob and Zoe (sorry!). Secondly we were interviewed by … Continue reading »

Quarterly Update

Hello Tim and Simon Fan! Maybe you are not a fan at all and maybe you have just stumbled upon this website by accident and have no idea who we are. Well all we’d say to you, person who doesn’t know who we are, is that there a big fricking clue in the URL. So what have we been up to I hear you cry, well we currently have a brand new and exciting website under construction that we hope to have with you as soon as possible, the podcast is seeing absolutely brilliant download figures, for which we are thankful, and our radio show “The Waffle” will be having a makeover in the next few weeks, more details of … Continue reading »

“Not as shit as I expected”

Hello everyone, it’s been a while since we have updated the news/blog page so we thought we would give you a quick insight into what we have been up to! We are currently in the process of giving the website a massive overhaul with the help of a cracking web designer / illustrator duo, so we hope to have a brand new sparkling website for your eyes to feast upon soon! Brain Spill is like a snowball, in that it’s gaining momentum and gaining in size and presence – not that it melts easily and is handy for throwing at old ladies. We are getting hundreds and hundreds of downloads per episode so thanks to all who have downloaded and … Continue reading »